Pipe Dreams: The Director’s Cut

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Maybe it's Just me, but...


When there’s a line-up for being a bozo, there aren’t too many in front of me. My granddaugh­ter’s name is THERESA DEANNA FUTTERMAN. At least I got the last four letters correct.


My father called me over to the radio that rested on the end table next to “his chair” and told me to listen because they were going to introduce Babe Ruth, the greatest baseball player in history.

The announcer said that Babe was walking to the plate carrying his trusty war-club. I had just finished reading “The Last of the Mohicans” and in my mind’s eye a war-club was a feather decorated hammer-like weapon that the Mohawks used when they fought with the Iroquois.

Ruth’s voice was something that I’ll never forget. It sounded weak and scratchy, like fingernails on a blackboard.

My father said that Ruth was very sick and I’d probably never hear his voice again.

I read, later, what he said because when he said it didn’t register. All I could think about was the sound of his voice.

I’ve never forgotten it.

By now you all know how I am with numbers. Well here’s another one. This year All-Star game held its home run derby on July 14th- 7/14 the Babe’s home run total- 714.


Thomas Bonk, of the LA Times, asked for my greatest Yankee Stadium memory. It would have to be my first Yankees game IN the Stadium with my father, waving to Mr. Keller (Charlie) in the outfield, and best of all walking on the outfield grass on the way to the exit through the bullpen


SportsBusiness Daily reported that the Home Run Derby on ESPN was the most viewed program on an ad-supported cable channel, so far this year. The report had 9.2 million viewers for the Derby and 8.4 million viewers for the January 31st Democratic Debate.


Dwight Perry asked me for a favor:

“The Seattle Mariners, catering to fans with peanut allergies, announced that no peanuts or other peanut products will be sold at two upcoming games, in Sections 311 and 312 at Safeco Field.” The Favor? “No wisecracks from the non-peanut gallery.”

Then he asked me if I heard that Terry Bradshaw entered Franco Harris’ cell phone number in his Fave Five.

They got immaculate reception!”


“The Mariners improve their record to eight games over.300”


Cubs’ pitcher Carlos Zambrano praised his GM for putting together a pennant contending team by saying: “I have one word for Jim Hendry- Good Job.” HUH?


The Sports Curmudgeon rightfully pointed out that “ESPN creates meaningless awards and exaggerates them as something that matters more than half a whit just so it can have programming to put on during the dog days of summer. Then they pretend that it matters.”


The men’s US Olympic basketball team beat Canada in an exhibition by 60. The Canadians aren’t very good, but as Greg Cot explained: “That’s what happens when you try to play wearing ice skates.”


The report said that the LA Sparks and the Detroit Shock engaged in a bench clearing brawl during a WNBA game. However that report is pretty exaggerated. A few players were PUSHED to the floor and a coach had his back slapped. SOME BRAWL!


Brandon Jennings has decided to skip college and sign a contract to play with a European pro-basketball team for a year. He’s making one of the worst rules in sports look even worse.

Both the NCAA AND the NBA agreed, in 2005, that players wouldn’t be drafted by the NBA until they finished at least one year of college.

The NBA liked it because the rule saved them from their own stupidity of paying huge bonuses to unworthy players and it allowed the players to gain some recognition in order to sell more merchandise. The NCAA liked it because they could make more money from ticket sales without PAYING the players.

Jennings’ decision is not without its drawbacks. There is always the chance of injury. It’s a case of a foreign player in a foreign land and eating foreign food.

We’ll have to keep an eye on his decision.


Lakers reserve guard Sasha Vujacic, another restricted free agent, was prepared to accept an offer from a Russian team.

Well, Vujacic is staying an LA Laker because he agreed to a 3-year, $15 million deal. All of this is going to a reserve player who averaged 8.8/ppg and played 17-minute/pg. Last season he made $1.76 million. Gee, why would he want to winter in Russia when he could be in “La-La Land?”


Billy Packer is an opinionated, crotchety old man. Maybe that’s why I identify with him so easily. I actually enjoyed listening to him and my granddaughters would often tell their mothers that Pop was yelling at the TV, again. I liked Packer, but not McCarver. I liked Bill White, but only with Phil Rizzuto. I don’t like Mussberger. The biggest minus for Packer was his sermonizing and scolding (there IS a difference between being a homer and being a “nag”)-he really needed Al McGuire’s spirit to give him some Rockaway needles. Wilbon said, “When it came to X’s and O’s, time outs, strategies, philosophy, what coaches should do next, Packer was a little bit Hubie Brown, an insider who simplified every situation for the viewer with authority.”


Is Danilo Gallinari an Italian translation for Frederic Weis? Gallinari was the Knicks first 1st rounder since 2005 and now he has a bad back. Walsh said he’d be ready to start the season. How bad is this injury?


I wonder if Greg Norman had a Mets’ cap in his golf bag when his lead collapsed in the British Open at Royal Birkdale. 

Again, maybe it’s just me—but…. 

Updated 5:29 pm, October 21, 2011
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